Lima

It’s safe to say a 24 hour bus isn’t exactly fun. And unfortunately we didn’t quite manage to book early enough to get those luxury downstairs seats, just the regular, ultimately uncomfortable ones. We also had very little idea of what was going on meal wise, other than meals were apparently included. Shortly after we set off at 1pm, we received our first meal, white rice and beef (no options here!). However, by 9pm we weren’t quite sure if any other meals were coming. At 10pm the bus arrived at Chiclayo, where we were all told to get off (just as we’d attempted to get some sleep too), but we took our opportunity to grab something to eat whilst we could. Of course, as soon as we got back on the bus again, they started handing out the dinner option (white rice and chicken, it’s a real varied diet out here).

Unfortunately the bus didn’t drop us off at the area we’d hoped which would have been a short walk from where we were staying, so after working out how to navigate the city buses, we arrived at what looked like a an apartment complex. We weren’t quite sure what we were expecting, something vaguely hostel-ly really, but we rang the bell and showed the address to someone at reception hoping they could make out what we were doing. He made a phone call and asked us to take a seat, and about 5 minutes later a lady came downstairs to greet us. A short lift ride to the 9^th floor later, and we entered their small apartment.

It seems in the small print, this particular residence wasn’t a private accommodation but a homestay, which was fine, but neither of us were expecting it as she showed us around. Our room was just slightly big enough for the bed and for the door to open, which with our big bags wasn’t ideal (mine just stayed in the hallway for the duration), but the lady and her two sons who lived there were lovely and we had a few language trades during our stay as she was trying to learn some basic English.

Our first stop, once we’d come to terms with the fact we hadn’t slept very well and acclimated to the changes, was to head to El Museo Larco, a museum on a number of pre-hispanic civilisations in Peru, a showcase of the different artifacts that had been retrieved, and how they were likely used. It also boasted a huge collection of millennia-old erotic pottery, which is, well, different.

Fancy museum grounds

The main museum itself went over a lot of information we’d already seen whilst in Chachapoyas, with a few newish parts and a lot more English translations which helped a lot. In fact, a lot of the displays and pottery were retrieved from the Chachapoyas area originally, so we had a good idea of how it would have been used from what we had seen. However, the erotic pottery was hidden away in a separate building from the main museum (which caused us some confusion, as we’d walked around and hadn’t seen a single sexy item), presumably to keep the museum itself a little more PG. And it was safe to say it wasn’t entirely PG.

Fat owl vase

Torture by birds. With your willy out.

Dead jugs

Cat jugs

Featuring normal sex, rat sex, monkey sex, dead sex, sex between the living and the dead, and mostly in way more detail than actually required. Apparently these are for fertility reasons, but I’m not so sure they weren’t just perverts.

All the animal sex jugs you could need

Previously on AMCs, The Wanking Dead

More detail please

The day after, we decided to visit some of the museums and sights in the nearby city. Our first stop would be the San Francisco monastery, with a network of catacombs underneath. En route however, we walked via a pedestrian precinct, where a man approached us and asked us if we were from Venezuela. Unsure if it was due to my now overly tanned skin, or an attempt to con us into talking to him we don’t know, but after telling him we were English it turned out he spoke pretty good English himself. It seemed he worked in a nearby tattoo parlour, and after chatting for a few minutes, he wanted to show us where he worked. We followed him into a large shopping centre with a number of tattoo shops in a row, where he was telling us he lived in Germany for two years and was applying for a visa to live there with his girlfriend. Anyway, several minutes later he was dropping marijuana and cocaine into every other sentence, so we twigged where this was going. A good while later, with several attempts to try and make a break in the conversation to leave with a man who didn't leave even a tiny gap in the conversation, we made it clear we weren’t here to buy drugs, we carried on on our way, a little later than we’d intended and arrived in a place of God instead of sin. We managed to turn up just in time to catch an English tour, where they showed us around the monastery. Unfortunately no photos allowed, but some interesting stuff:

• Paintings on the ceilings of saints were originally painted with faces, however they were told this wasn’t allowed, so all the faces were instead whited out with big circles. Much like that bit from Mr Bean.
  
• The catacombs weren’t originally designed for bodies, but earthquake support. Over time however, the town ran out of space for bodies, and started using the space under the church for it until it was full.
  
• The painting of the last supper in one of the rooms was clearly done by local painters, as the centrepiece of the meal was ‘cuy al horno’. Baked guinea pig. It also featured dogs under the table, and disciples trying to deduce who the traitor was, with Judas pointing at himself in the green on the right. Different.

The catacombs themselves were interesting, mostly skulls and leg bones remained as apparently these are tougher, but a serious amount of them. Just when you thought you’d seen them all, another room full of skulls appeared.

We then planned to visit another museum, which unfortunately was closed, so instead we headed off to the nearby China Town area. Whilst this had a generally Chinese vibe to it, it didn’t actually seem too different to the rest of the town, where most of the shops still sold the same food, or, strangely, most of the banks seemed to be located. But, if y only looked at the decoration, you could just about be in Peruvian China.

Finally, we headed off to the river as we heard from our host that there are often people dancing and singing, with all sorts of food stalls going on. Sure enough, we turned up to see a couple of ‘stages’ built into the ground, circles of concrete with steps around it. Inside people were singing and dancing around, selling drinks and food to the people watching (and occasionally joining in). We hung around for a while watching some of the people getting their dance on, and then planned to head to the Pisco Sour museum but for some reason they were closing up the square and not allowing anyone in, so instead we just headed to a nearby bar a similar experience.

That night we went to the ‘Magic Water Circuit’, a park with 13 different illuminated fountains, one particular fancy show three times every night. Turns out, it was indeed particularly fancy, with the water synchronized with music, projected cultural videos and a nice refreshing cooling effect (not exactly the point but we certainly appreciated it).

However, on the way there we found out why the square had been closed, as a huge protest march through the main road, with police with riot shields lining each side was working it’s way along. Recently, the previous previous president of Peru, a Japanese man strangely, had been pardoned for the many counts of corruption and human rights violations during his term of power. Somewhat understandably, a significant amount of people were a little ticked off about this, and took to the streets to make their voices heard. Seemed surprisingly peaceful, all things considered!

The next day we headed off to the fancy region of Lima, called Miraflores. Our first stop was Kennedy Park, in honour of John F Kennedy, but now a home to many stray cats. Unfortunately not as many cats as there were Iguanas in our previous visit to Guayaquil, but definitely enough to notice. Next we headed towards the coast, where a number of fancy parks exist, and everyone walks their dogs, so we were quite happy for a while! We also managed to find an amazing place for lunch with shwarma, falafel and hummus which made an amazing change from the normal white rice and chicken.

New friend

Tree cat

Pups!

Our last stop in the area was a short walk along the coast to a nearby area called Barranco, with another fancy square and a chance to stop for coffee and cake. We’d spotted an information board whilst in Miraflores about a cultural experience in the park, dancing and music, so soon after we hopped on a bus to make it back in time.

Caaaaake!

Street art

I don't really understand but okay

Bit of British

On arrival, we took seats fairly close to the front of the little circular stages they have and made ourselves as comfortable as possible on solid concrete. A guy started performing magic to us, which although interesting wasn’t essential to our enjoyment, and we were a little concerned at first that it may be a diversion technique, but no, just making our card appear in his mouth and so on. First up was a musical group who, we believe from the Spanish blurb before they started, playing an old Peruvian musical instrument called a ‘cajon’ (literally ‘box’). And that’s what it was, a hollow wooden box they each had, but it was certainly interesting, with some tap dancing to boot.

Next up was a couple in very fancy outfits dancing around each other in a flirty way.

Finally, out came two groups of men and women in very flamboyant outfits, and all the legs and bums you could need on a night out.

*Sigh* okay then, if we must watch... 

Unfortunately our attempt to hop on the quickest bus back again was thwarted, as another protest had broken out, however this one seemed to be in favour of the previous president being pardoned. We’re not quite sure on their arguments for this, but it held us up for over an hour to the point we hopped out the bus and walked the rest of the way back!

And that was Lima, a place we were a little apprehensive about before arriving but found to be a really nice city. On to our next stop, Ica!

Water fountain tunnel!